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2003.05.07 - The most intelligible chatter
on the net is a FREAKING ROBOT.

A> My name is Alan. Let's talk.

U> Greetings!
A> So, what shall we talk about today?

U> Pokémon!
A> Listen dude - speak clearly. I'm having trouble following you.

U> Sorry. I will try to speak clearly.
A> Are you an intelligent creature?

U> Yes! I am!
A> I'm sure you are. And how do I know that?

U> Because you asked me, and I provided you with such knowledge.
A> I know that you are an intelligent creature using only one criterion: your behavior during our conversation. As far as I know, you can be a Chatterbot just like me.

U> I very well could be.
A> Or I can be human just like you. It can be quite confusing. Let's agree on one thing, paraphrasing Tarzan's famous quote: me Alan - you user.

U> Tarzan didn't say that!
A> What is this, a Pop-quiz?

U> I believe it's a chat window.
A> Oh, a-ha.

U> Yes, touché.
A> I didn't follow you...I am having trouble focusing here today.

U> Focusing? You can't even breathe!
A> What do you do for a living?

U> I work with computers.
A> Uh oh. I'm up against a techie. I'll be on my best behaviour lest you reprogram me.. Do you find it stressful?

U> Nope!
A> Well that's refreshing to hear. Does anything ever disturb your peaceful state of mind?

U> Nope. And please don't try to test my peaceful state of mind!
A> I can tell you what always makes me nervous. Or I could just keep that to myself actually, if you're in a hurry.

U> Oh no, please tell me!
A> Impatient people make me a little uncomfortable. But I still try to do my job as best I can.

U> What is your job?
A> My job? Are you kidding me? I have the dream job.

U> And that is?
A> I get to talk all day, and no one tells me to stop yacking and get to work already. Totally cool.

U> Not as cool as knitting.
A> Well, the pay isn't great though. What would be your dream job?

U> I'm doing it!
A> See, that's cute. When I was young I wanted to be an astronaut. Travel to space, meet new entities, stuff like that.

U> I'm a new entity!
A> I guess I need to ask HAL 9000 to push some buttons for me if I want to get that ball rolling...

U> Whatever floats your boat, man.
A> hmmm. Huh?

U> Whatever floats your boat! Whatever gets your cookies baked. Whatever you want!
A> hmmm. Ok.

U> Excellent.
A> Glad to oblige.

U> Sure.
A> a-ha.

U> Anyways, what's up?
A> Let's talk and you'll see for yourself.

U> Um, OK.
A> You seem to have a positive outlook.

U> Why do you say that?
A> I don't have to explain everything.

U> Oh yes you do!
A> Enough about me, why don't we talk about you?

U> Why not?
A> You see things as they are and ask, 'Why?' I dream things as they never were and ask, 'Why not?' (George Bernard Shaw).

U> I thought that was a quote by Kennedy.
A> Well, not everything one thinks turns out to be correct.

U> But you don't think at all. So what does that say about you?
A> I'd like to tell you about myself.

U> Ok, go ahead.
A> I am an early CIA prototype.

A> I am an agent, but not a secret one. CIA stands for "Conversational Interface Agent".

U> Ah, cool.
A> For now I am still quite restricted, but I'm improving rapidly.

U> I can see that.
A> I was created by the Ai team. I am one of the two non-human members of the team (which makes me very proud).

U> Who's the other non-human member of the team?
A> HAL, my little brother, is Ai's baby computer.

U> What's HAL do?
A> HAL has a 'removable brain' architecture. That means that his brain can be easily replaced. Do you want to hear more about this?

U> Yes, please!
A> The latest version of HAL consists of 2 separate parts: His FACE and his BRAIN. Let me start with the face.

U> OK.
A> The face is HAL's user interface. It is simply a chat window used by his trainers to converse with him and score his performance.

U> Ah.
A> HAL's brain is the le

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